Call me crazy, many people do, but I have begun a new blog. This blog will be dedicated to topics of a more political nature. My friend Derek says that I will be "Bunburying", by being "Coach Mom" on this blog, the homeschool teacher on another blog, and a "Smith" (my grandmother's family name so read: outspoken on all things American politics) on my third blog.
I happen to love Oscar Wilde, but in all honesty, I just think that you should get what you sign up for as a follower of a blog. If you are following Coach Mom, then you are expecting a more feature style blog with parenting articles on motivating your kids to do chores or whipping up fast but healthy meals, so you have time to run off to scouts when you get home from sports practice! You aren't expecting an editorial on how I feel about America's policy on well, anything!
It's not "Bunburying" because all these things are still me! I'm not pretending to be somebody else, but if you want to read about my "Smith" side come on over to homemadeinamerica.blogspot.com. We are having fun over there too! It's just a different kind of fun! You might learn something about our country, it's founding fathers, or another citizen who helped make this country great! You never know!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Forgiveness isn't easy...
A few weeks ago, I started blogging about having conversations with your kids. It may have seemed frivolous to start with a discussion of personality. I also pointed out that your children are unique. They are not you and you are not your parents. The reason I started out with these two notions were so that you could have the opportunity to adjust your expectations.
I started with the easy stuff. Now comes the hard part. Forgiveness. In order to really have a clear conversation with your child, you need to come with a clean slate. You cannot do that if you have bitterness and resentment that has been built up over the years. It causes you to project onto their motivations. This bitterness could be from past interactions with a current or past spouse, or with your parents, or with your in-laws, or the list goes on. Sometimes the person you need to forgive is yourself. In any case, it needs to be done so that it doesn't affect your other relationships, especially the one with your children who are less likely to understand.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is more than forgetting. It is more than saying, "That's ok," when somebody says that they are sorry. The fact is most of the time when you need to forgive somebody, that person never asked for forgiveness. And truly, the thing that they needed forgiveness from wasn't ok, but the fact that you offer forgiveness now makes it as if it never happened. Does that mean you never think about it again? Well, it's supposed to, but I am not a robot. So often, I have to ask for forgiveness if I do think about it again. That's my own sinfulness, not the other party's.
The world has provided such a crazy, messed up view of what forgiveness is that the only thing I could think of to do was to share my testimony. In advance, let me apologize to my parents who are wonderful people and did a great job of raising me. They are not responsible for other people's actions! In addition, let me be clear. This is not about me. This is about God and His glory, so please although I appreciate the compassion, don't send me a bunch of messages about how sorry you feel. You are not responsible for somebody else's actions either!
There is no easy or appropriate way to say that when I was a girl I was molested by my paternal grandfather. (I could try to hide who it was, but he has passed away now, and while trying to tell my story, it was just too hard to keep that a secret.) I think that we all have heard this story hundreds of times. It's unfortunate that we have. But it is not those events that are my story or my testimony. My testimony begins when I realized that I was still allowing those events to dictate how I behaved in certain circumstances. It dictated who I trusted. It definitely dictated my ability to sleep properly.
Forgiveness is a hard process. And it is definitely a process. I went to a couple of people, but they didn't know where to help me start. The thing is that forgiveness is also very personal. But I can tell you what I did and maybe it will help you.
The first thing I did was ask God to help understand my grandfather more. Why would somebody do something like that? There are all kinds of crazy answers out there, but I knew that God could tell me better. He did. Through prayer, I realized that my grandfather had a horrible upbringing. He had been abused himself. I felt blessed that I did not have parents like that. It helped me to have some compassion for him. It wasn't overnight by any means, but I started to feel some sympathy for him. I know it doesn't make sense to many people. That's why I am telling you. Only God can help you do something like this.
After I started to feel some sympathy towards my grandfather, things sort of snowballed from there. I found myself caring about his welfare. It was clear that he was unwell. You just don't do that kind of thing otherwise. But here we were his family and we were turning our back on him, throwing him out like trash, like he didn't matter. I felt like we needed to get him help. Some people would say that even turning our backs on him was better than he deserved. Plenty of people told me that for justice to be served that he deserved prison or even worse. Once again, I can only point you back to God. I am thankful that I don't get what I deserve. Oh so many times, I have not gotten what I deserved. Praise the Lord for that!
Soon after that I found myself praying for him. I prayed that somebody would come into his life to care for him physically and mentally. I prayed that if he had not made a profession of faith that he would do that, because I knew he did not have much longer to live.
All of a sudden, one day, I remembered something fun that I did with my Grandpa and I laughed. It dawned on me that I loved him. I did. I had not only forgiven him, but I had done it without him asking for forgiveness. Not only had I forgiven him, but our relationship together was no longer defined by that. It was defined by going swimming (seriously ALL the time with the swimming!), and hanging upside down in the tree in the backyard, and his conducting the orchestra on the radio while we sat in downtown Washington, D.C. traffic, and regular grandfather/granddaughter kind of stuff. Just like with my mother's father, who I have great memories about baseball and football, this was no longer any different. I was very sorry when he died, and I hope that I will see him again one day in Heaven. That may be upsetting to some people. It may be hard to hear or understand. But that is the power of God.
Why do I share this story? First, for myself, if I could learn to forgive others in that same way, imagine the freedom I would have! I need to remember every day that it is possible. Second, for my friends, I share this with you, because you can be set free from bitterness too. It just takes one step towards God and one step away from wanting vengeance.
I am absolutely here for anybody who wants to talk about how they can find forgiveness in their lives. Whether you are trying to find forgiveness for yourself for the first time or the hundredth, or you want help to forgive somebody else, my door is always open.
Love you guys! You can do it with God!
I started with the easy stuff. Now comes the hard part. Forgiveness. In order to really have a clear conversation with your child, you need to come with a clean slate. You cannot do that if you have bitterness and resentment that has been built up over the years. It causes you to project onto their motivations. This bitterness could be from past interactions with a current or past spouse, or with your parents, or with your in-laws, or the list goes on. Sometimes the person you need to forgive is yourself. In any case, it needs to be done so that it doesn't affect your other relationships, especially the one with your children who are less likely to understand.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is more than forgetting. It is more than saying, "That's ok," when somebody says that they are sorry. The fact is most of the time when you need to forgive somebody, that person never asked for forgiveness. And truly, the thing that they needed forgiveness from wasn't ok, but the fact that you offer forgiveness now makes it as if it never happened. Does that mean you never think about it again? Well, it's supposed to, but I am not a robot. So often, I have to ask for forgiveness if I do think about it again. That's my own sinfulness, not the other party's.
The world has provided such a crazy, messed up view of what forgiveness is that the only thing I could think of to do was to share my testimony. In advance, let me apologize to my parents who are wonderful people and did a great job of raising me. They are not responsible for other people's actions! In addition, let me be clear. This is not about me. This is about God and His glory, so please although I appreciate the compassion, don't send me a bunch of messages about how sorry you feel. You are not responsible for somebody else's actions either!
There is no easy or appropriate way to say that when I was a girl I was molested by my paternal grandfather. (I could try to hide who it was, but he has passed away now, and while trying to tell my story, it was just too hard to keep that a secret.) I think that we all have heard this story hundreds of times. It's unfortunate that we have. But it is not those events that are my story or my testimony. My testimony begins when I realized that I was still allowing those events to dictate how I behaved in certain circumstances. It dictated who I trusted. It definitely dictated my ability to sleep properly.
Forgiveness is a hard process. And it is definitely a process. I went to a couple of people, but they didn't know where to help me start. The thing is that forgiveness is also very personal. But I can tell you what I did and maybe it will help you.
The first thing I did was ask God to help understand my grandfather more. Why would somebody do something like that? There are all kinds of crazy answers out there, but I knew that God could tell me better. He did. Through prayer, I realized that my grandfather had a horrible upbringing. He had been abused himself. I felt blessed that I did not have parents like that. It helped me to have some compassion for him. It wasn't overnight by any means, but I started to feel some sympathy for him. I know it doesn't make sense to many people. That's why I am telling you. Only God can help you do something like this.
After I started to feel some sympathy towards my grandfather, things sort of snowballed from there. I found myself caring about his welfare. It was clear that he was unwell. You just don't do that kind of thing otherwise. But here we were his family and we were turning our back on him, throwing him out like trash, like he didn't matter. I felt like we needed to get him help. Some people would say that even turning our backs on him was better than he deserved. Plenty of people told me that for justice to be served that he deserved prison or even worse. Once again, I can only point you back to God. I am thankful that I don't get what I deserve. Oh so many times, I have not gotten what I deserved. Praise the Lord for that!
Soon after that I found myself praying for him. I prayed that somebody would come into his life to care for him physically and mentally. I prayed that if he had not made a profession of faith that he would do that, because I knew he did not have much longer to live.
All of a sudden, one day, I remembered something fun that I did with my Grandpa and I laughed. It dawned on me that I loved him. I did. I had not only forgiven him, but I had done it without him asking for forgiveness. Not only had I forgiven him, but our relationship together was no longer defined by that. It was defined by going swimming (seriously ALL the time with the swimming!), and hanging upside down in the tree in the backyard, and his conducting the orchestra on the radio while we sat in downtown Washington, D.C. traffic, and regular grandfather/granddaughter kind of stuff. Just like with my mother's father, who I have great memories about baseball and football, this was no longer any different. I was very sorry when he died, and I hope that I will see him again one day in Heaven. That may be upsetting to some people. It may be hard to hear or understand. But that is the power of God.
Why do I share this story? First, for myself, if I could learn to forgive others in that same way, imagine the freedom I would have! I need to remember every day that it is possible. Second, for my friends, I share this with you, because you can be set free from bitterness too. It just takes one step towards God and one step away from wanting vengeance.
I am absolutely here for anybody who wants to talk about how they can find forgiveness in their lives. Whether you are trying to find forgiveness for yourself for the first time or the hundredth, or you want help to forgive somebody else, my door is always open.
Love you guys! You can do it with God!
Developing Character isn't easy!
If you have ever done a "Character Curriculum" like Konos or a Bible study that works on a character trait, then you may have noticed the following trend. You start to do a unit on something, only to really struggle with it desperately in your own life. We did a unit on responsibility, only to find out that the kids were slacking off in their chores. This had not really been a struggle in the past, at least as far as I was aware. We did a unit on courage, which brought forth struggles on peer pressure. Some of these struggles were met with success. Others had less than desirable outcomes. However, all of these things provided us with great discussion opportunities.
It's like the old wives tale, "Don't pray for patience." This has grown to the point of supersition among even the most devout Christian woman. I have friends that say it. I refuse to do it. I pray for the strength to deal with I already have on my plate rather than pray for patience. (I'm really weak though, and I have a lot of faults. So, don't use me as a role model. Ever. I only write this blog so that I can tell myself what to do, you know that, right? I knew that you did.) So, what do we think will happen when we pray for patience? That disaster will strike? That our children will behave poorly? Really? More than yesterday?
Why do these things happen? The truth is that these struggles were there all along, but you only noticed them because you began the study. I'm not saying that God doesn't use these studies to grow us, but don't think He is sitting there waiting for a study on stewardship so that He can cause you to lose your job. If we really think hard about it, we know that's not the way God works.
So if all these things were happening before, and we are just are more aware of them now, what should we do? Use them to develop the character of your children and yourself. Hey! That's why you started the study, right?
All of this to say, if you ever wonder why I post that I am going to discuss something on my blog, and I don't come back to it for a while, chances are good that we have had to deal with that issue at home ourselves. Usually, if I catch on (and because I have blond hair that's not all the time), I will try to deal with my issue myself before I continue to post about it. If you are wondering, will we ever get back to confrontation versus correction? Absolutely. Is she ever going to post about dealing with putting your past behind you? I'm trying to get there this week.
And once again, I reiterate, never, ever think that I am telling you these things because I have them nailed. If I ever do anything right, don't look at me. And if I have ever done anything wrong or do anything wrong, please forgive my hurtfulness and arrogance.
Love you guys!
It's like the old wives tale, "Don't pray for patience." This has grown to the point of supersition among even the most devout Christian woman. I have friends that say it. I refuse to do it. I pray for the strength to deal with I already have on my plate rather than pray for patience. (I'm really weak though, and I have a lot of faults. So, don't use me as a role model. Ever. I only write this blog so that I can tell myself what to do, you know that, right? I knew that you did.) So, what do we think will happen when we pray for patience? That disaster will strike? That our children will behave poorly? Really? More than yesterday?
Why do these things happen? The truth is that these struggles were there all along, but you only noticed them because you began the study. I'm not saying that God doesn't use these studies to grow us, but don't think He is sitting there waiting for a study on stewardship so that He can cause you to lose your job. If we really think hard about it, we know that's not the way God works.
So if all these things were happening before, and we are just are more aware of them now, what should we do? Use them to develop the character of your children and yourself. Hey! That's why you started the study, right?
All of this to say, if you ever wonder why I post that I am going to discuss something on my blog, and I don't come back to it for a while, chances are good that we have had to deal with that issue at home ourselves. Usually, if I catch on (and because I have blond hair that's not all the time), I will try to deal with my issue myself before I continue to post about it. If you are wondering, will we ever get back to confrontation versus correction? Absolutely. Is she ever going to post about dealing with putting your past behind you? I'm trying to get there this week.
And once again, I reiterate, never, ever think that I am telling you these things because I have them nailed. If I ever do anything right, don't look at me. And if I have ever done anything wrong or do anything wrong, please forgive my hurtfulness and arrogance.
Love you guys!
Monday, March 30, 2009
What does it take to be a "Boy Mom"?
Sometimes when I start telling a story in my Coach Mom way, someone will say, "That's why you are a 'boy mom' and I'm not." I wonder, what does that mean exactly?
Is it because I am a "tomboy"? Because to be fair, my sister Meredith has only boys, and she's about as far from being a "tomboy" as I am from being the Queen of England! She likes clothes, and makeup, and decorating shows, and well, all those things I hate! So that can't be it.
Does it mean that I let the kids live when these things happen? I don't know. Was there another option?
Maybe it's just the way I have a reputation for presenting my story. I think the problem is ya'll think I'm joking or exaggerating. I'm telling you, these things really happen!
Here's a few quick stories to entertain, while I try to put together a blog from about the 8 that are running around in my head right now.
I can't stand phone solicitors. We canceled our phone service and went with cell phones only. This has cut down on many of those pesky calls, except the crazy factory warranty one that everyone gets on their cell phone. AND, the one Phil got from our oldest son last week to try and sell us meat. Mike wanted Phil to ask me if I wanted some. Sure, I want the only time you call me in three weeks to be to ask if I would like to buy some meat from the back of a truck. I think Phil said something to the effect that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to ask me. Then, he asked Phil to ask around at church. Phil told Mike that he was welcome to come to church with us. Honestly, you cannot make this stuff up.
Trampoline enclosure = $159...trampoline mat = $98...not knowing that your neighbors didn't have those things = $9.99 for more blond hair dye...listening to Tutone tell everyone that if he had known that he was going to land on the ground instead of the trampoline that he could have done three flips instead of two...priceless?...no, not really!
And finally at lunchtime today...
I believe this answers the question about whether or not Tutone is back to normal after his concussion. He's baaack...
Tutone: "Can we have spaghetti and meatballs for lunch instead of sandwiches? We'll make it ourselves."
Coach Mom: "I guess so."
Tutone: "Can we have chips too?"
Coach Mom: "Do I look like Monty Hall? What do you think this is? "Let's Make a Deal"?"
(...pause...)
(...Tutone strikes a pose that looks like he is about to Karate chop someone...and begins to sing...)
Tutone: "NO! I am the LUNCHtime negotiator!"
Coach Mom: "Hahahaha. Still no."
In case you are wondering, if my kids know who Monty Hall is...well, of course, they do! I showed them on youtube! You can find it all on there!
Is it because I am a "tomboy"? Because to be fair, my sister Meredith has only boys, and she's about as far from being a "tomboy" as I am from being the Queen of England! She likes clothes, and makeup, and decorating shows, and well, all those things I hate! So that can't be it.
Does it mean that I let the kids live when these things happen? I don't know. Was there another option?
Maybe it's just the way I have a reputation for presenting my story. I think the problem is ya'll think I'm joking or exaggerating. I'm telling you, these things really happen!
Here's a few quick stories to entertain, while I try to put together a blog from about the 8 that are running around in my head right now.
I can't stand phone solicitors. We canceled our phone service and went with cell phones only. This has cut down on many of those pesky calls, except the crazy factory warranty one that everyone gets on their cell phone. AND, the one Phil got from our oldest son last week to try and sell us meat. Mike wanted Phil to ask me if I wanted some. Sure, I want the only time you call me in three weeks to be to ask if I would like to buy some meat from the back of a truck. I think Phil said something to the effect that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to ask me. Then, he asked Phil to ask around at church. Phil told Mike that he was welcome to come to church with us. Honestly, you cannot make this stuff up.
Trampoline enclosure = $159...trampoline mat = $98...not knowing that your neighbors didn't have those things = $9.99 for more blond hair dye...listening to Tutone tell everyone that if he had known that he was going to land on the ground instead of the trampoline that he could have done three flips instead of two...priceless?...no, not really!
And finally at lunchtime today...
I believe this answers the question about whether or not Tutone is back to normal after his concussion. He's baaack...
Tutone: "Can we have spaghetti and meatballs for lunch instead of sandwiches? We'll make it ourselves."
Coach Mom: "I guess so."
Tutone: "Can we have chips too?"
Coach Mom: "Do I look like Monty Hall? What do you think this is? "Let's Make a Deal"?"
(...pause...)
(...Tutone strikes a pose that looks like he is about to Karate chop someone...and begins to sing...)
Tutone: "NO! I am the LUNCHtime negotiator!"
Coach Mom: "Hahahaha. Still no."
In case you are wondering, if my kids know who Monty Hall is...well, of course, they do! I showed them on youtube! You can find it all on there!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
These kids are amazing!
Watch this video!
My friend Sarah, over at Fanning the Flame, has a very talented son. He is trying out to perform at a jazz festival with his partner. She would love it if you would go and vote for him today! If you are a homeschooler, you may be interested that she has even gone so far as to offer a give away contest on a Latin curriculum just for listening to them play! I say listen to them play anyway. It was a blessing!
My friend Sarah, over at Fanning the Flame, has a very talented son. He is trying out to perform at a jazz festival with his partner. She would love it if you would go and vote for him today! If you are a homeschooler, you may be interested that she has even gone so far as to offer a give away contest on a Latin curriculum just for listening to them play! I say listen to them play anyway. It was a blessing!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Lions...and Otters...and Beavers...Oh My!
Yesterday, I called my friend Lauren on the phone. Mind you, I didn't get to speak to her on the phone until about two hours later. However, I did get to listen to little Lion girl and Otter boy argue each with a phone extension in their hand. That was fun. But after I got over my frustration that I wasn't ever going to talk to Lauren, I sat back and enjoyed the show. I found their interaction a perfect example of siblings of these different animal types trying to communicate. It also reminded me how birth order and gender roles can often affect these types as well.
The Lion girl is a little more than a year younger than the Otter boy. But that didn't stop her from attempting to dominate their interaction. She was the first to pick up the phone.
Lion: Hello
Coachmom: Hi, Lion. It's Aunt Chris. Is your Mom there?
Lion: Yes, she is in her room.
[I forgot. She's very literal. You must always ask the next question first to cut down time.]
Coachmom: Thank you. Well, can I speak to her?
Lion: I am on the corded phone.
Coachmom: Well, can you get the other phone and go get her?
Lion: Sigh. Just a minute. OTTER!
Otter: Leave me alone LION! I am playing a game.
Lion: OTTER! Pick up the extension phone. Right now!!!
Otter: Why? Liiion. I don't have to.
[about this point I am about to jump through the phone and strangle them both!]
Lion: OTTER! Pick up the extension. Push the talk button. Lay down the phone on the counter. Do not hang it up again. I will come downstairs and get it from you!
[This is good. We are getting somewhere. Of course, I would think so, because I am a Lion.]
Otter: FINE!
Lion: Good!
[CLICK!]
[CLICK!]
[CLICK!]
[Dial tone....]
Interestingly, I used to think that your first born would automatically be your driven child or your perfectionist child. But this is why I like these personality profiles. You begin to see that there are many types of driven people. A Beaver is a perfectionist (and not perfectionistic, because that is not a word and they will find it on their test) who is on the quieter side. A Lion is driven to accomplish things and an extravert.
There is a birth order theory. It is worth investigating is your quest to discover more about your child. More and more people have told me that their families do not fit this mold. There is a variables page that can explain why this is true. My family did not fit into this mold either, so don't feel bad. But do look at it and see if it is helpful to you.
It's also important to note that contrary to popular opinion, girls and boys, men and women are different. Gasp! It's true. And not just for the obvious reason. There are many things that make them different and this will show up in the way they react to things as well. Anybody who tells you that boys and girls will react the same either never had a child of each gender or is in denial. Work as hard as you like to try to condition them to be the same, they are different.
My husband's commentary on my personality profile was a perfect example of this. Somebody pointed out that I was a Lion. He said, "No, she is a Lioness. Have you ever seen a lion? They are lazy, but a lioness works hard. A lioness is the hunter. The lion just sits around waiting to be fed." I thought that was funny.
One final comment on these personality profiles is do not use them exclusively. Do not put your child in a box because of them. Your child will exhibit unique traits that you will need to take time to get to know. This is a great starting place, because they will enjoy that you are trying to get to know them. But honestly, this is still all surface level. You will need to understand more about them and their motivations to really understand their behavior.
A perfect example exhibited itself in our family on Monday. Tutone is the type of kid that you would think based on his personality profile is an extravert. He used to be very introverted. He would be drained to be around people. That's how you know if you are introverted or extraverted. But at some point that changed. Now, he acts very brave, when everyone else is around. If it's just us, he never wants to try anything. He learns everything in front of a crowd. I believe he will be the guy who dies doing something that started with, "Hey dude! Hold my beer. Watch this!" Monday, he decided it would be a great idea to do a back flip off of a trampoline. Unfortunately, he didn't tell us until he started to feel sick on Tuesday. He's fine though, just a mild concussion.
On the other hand, there is Super. His personality profile shows that he would be introverted. But honestly, both my kids are extraverted. Being near people winds them up, that's how I know. It's just that he has more traits that put him on the introverted side of the personality profile. He is a Golden Retriever-Beaver. I am a Lion-Otter. But here is something he does just like I do. He will try anything alone, with nobody watching. He wants to make his mistakes and learn from them without an audience. I feel the same way. Call it pride if you want, but I'd rather figure it out first before I make a fool out of myself.
The point is that nobody should be put into a box. That's why there are so many choices for tests. Use as many of them as your child will allow you to. Most kids and youth I have met are perfectly willing to allow you the time to find out about them. You can tell them, "It's all about you!" Paint a picture of your child, your unique creation. Maybe while you are doing this, you will learn more about yourself in the process. And maybe, just maybe, you will start to learn enough about how to communicate better with them the next time something starts to go wrong.
The Lion girl is a little more than a year younger than the Otter boy. But that didn't stop her from attempting to dominate their interaction. She was the first to pick up the phone.
Lion: Hello
Coachmom: Hi, Lion. It's Aunt Chris. Is your Mom there?
Lion: Yes, she is in her room.
Coachmom: Thank you. Well, can I speak to her?
Lion: I am on the corded phone.
Coachmom: Well, can you get the other phone and go get her?
Lion: Sigh. Just a minute. OTTER!
Otter: Leave me alone LION! I am playing a game.
Lion: OTTER! Pick up the extension phone. Right now!!!
Otter: Why? Liiion. I don't have to.
[about this point I am about to jump through the phone and strangle them both!]
Lion: OTTER! Pick up the extension. Push the talk button. Lay down the phone on the counter. Do not hang it up again. I will come downstairs and get it from you!
[This is good. We are getting somewhere. Of course, I would think so, because I am a Lion.]
Otter: FINE!
Lion: Good!
[CLICK!]
[CLICK!]
[CLICK!]
[Dial tone....]
Interestingly, I used to think that your first born would automatically be your driven child or your perfectionist child. But this is why I like these personality profiles. You begin to see that there are many types of driven people. A Beaver is a perfectionist (and not perfectionistic, because that is not a word and they will find it on their test) who is on the quieter side. A Lion is driven to accomplish things and an extravert.
There is a birth order theory. It is worth investigating is your quest to discover more about your child. More and more people have told me that their families do not fit this mold. There is a variables page that can explain why this is true. My family did not fit into this mold either, so don't feel bad. But do look at it and see if it is helpful to you.
It's also important to note that contrary to popular opinion, girls and boys, men and women are different. Gasp! It's true. And not just for the obvious reason. There are many things that make them different and this will show up in the way they react to things as well. Anybody who tells you that boys and girls will react the same either never had a child of each gender or is in denial. Work as hard as you like to try to condition them to be the same, they are different.
My husband's commentary on my personality profile was a perfect example of this. Somebody pointed out that I was a Lion. He said, "No, she is a Lioness. Have you ever seen a lion? They are lazy, but a lioness works hard. A lioness is the hunter. The lion just sits around waiting to be fed." I thought that was funny.
One final comment on these personality profiles is do not use them exclusively. Do not put your child in a box because of them. Your child will exhibit unique traits that you will need to take time to get to know. This is a great starting place, because they will enjoy that you are trying to get to know them. But honestly, this is still all surface level. You will need to understand more about them and their motivations to really understand their behavior.
A perfect example exhibited itself in our family on Monday. Tutone is the type of kid that you would think based on his personality profile is an extravert. He used to be very introverted. He would be drained to be around people. That's how you know if you are introverted or extraverted. But at some point that changed. Now, he acts very brave, when everyone else is around. If it's just us, he never wants to try anything. He learns everything in front of a crowd. I believe he will be the guy who dies doing something that started with, "Hey dude! Hold my beer. Watch this!" Monday, he decided it would be a great idea to do a back flip off of a trampoline. Unfortunately, he didn't tell us until he started to feel sick on Tuesday. He's fine though, just a mild concussion.
On the other hand, there is Super. His personality profile shows that he would be introverted. But honestly, both my kids are extraverted. Being near people winds them up, that's how I know. It's just that he has more traits that put him on the introverted side of the personality profile. He is a Golden Retriever-Beaver. I am a Lion-Otter. But here is something he does just like I do. He will try anything alone, with nobody watching. He wants to make his mistakes and learn from them without an audience. I feel the same way. Call it pride if you want, but I'd rather figure it out first before I make a fool out of myself.
The point is that nobody should be put into a box. That's why there are so many choices for tests. Use as many of them as your child will allow you to. Most kids and youth I have met are perfectly willing to allow you the time to find out about them. You can tell them, "It's all about you!" Paint a picture of your child, your unique creation. Maybe while you are doing this, you will learn more about yourself in the process. And maybe, just maybe, you will start to learn enough about how to communicate better with them the next time something starts to go wrong.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
1 chopped medium onion
